"Observing human variety can give pleasure, but so too can human sameness."
Ian McEwan, from Enduring Love
For most adults, disappointment and doubt and self-deprecating self-talk perverse our passions and perceptions of others and ourselves. Many of us are mired in the magic our ambitions promise, even as we engage in meaningless activities that serve no other purpose than to distract from the responsibility of bringing that magic forth. Almost all of us are in shock, confused by how our dreams didn't come true or, perhaps worse, how reality looked when they did.
For most adults, we wake and face every day knowing that life is about tradeoffs, that to get one thing we must necessarily give up another; that, if we're lucky, we can be and have anything we want, but we may never be and have everything we want (if we even know what we want at all); that our choices don't stop at what to study in school or whom to love or whether to buy or rent, that our choices never, ever, for-the-love-of-God-can-I-please-stop-and-take-a-breath, stop.
Sometimes, we stand and face our daily choices with dignity and a love of the game. At other times we lie down and surrender, choosing by default whatever chooses us. Or hurts the least.
For most adults are the same.
Adults everywhere are stressed out. Adults everywhere don't know what the fuck they're doing or why or if it's worth bothering with a "what" or a "why." Adults everywhere compare themselves to other adults, and suffer deeply for it. Adults everywhere are looking for that one last choice that makes all other choices fall perfectly into place. Adults everywhere attempt, every day, to escape adult life.
Or live someone else’s.
More simply put, we are, all of us, the same in our pursuit to make life suck less.
Though our methods may vary, we are also, all of us, the same in our passionate rationalization of our methodologies and we are, all of us, hopeful that, this time, this choice provides some certainty, some safety, some solace. But, to paraphrase another quote from Enduring Love, every choice necessarily marks a beginning and an end, making certainty, safety and solace the stuff of adult dreams.
So, to that end, I say choose not what brings relief from pain, but what invites pain itself.
Because if disappointment and doubt and self-deprecating self-talk; shock and confusion and the temporary distractions from both; stress and uncertainty and the ever-present desire to escape the difficult decisions you (and every adult) must face every day are what drive the what and why you choose what you choose, then you will, by your own design, live in possibility’s shadow. You will, by default, miss the magic that only the most painful decisions permit. You will grow to think that life sucks.
When we make life decisions based only on our emotions, we tend to choose "easy" or "escape" or "entertainment," rather than our own evolution. Our feelings trick us into fucking up our future. Remember, if it doesn’t hurt like hell or piss someone else off or scare the shit out of you, you’re probably not doing it right.
You’re certainly not doing right by your soul.
So, if you're an adult, take comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone, that those around you suffer as well. Then, choose to love yourself more than you love seeking pleasure or avoiding pain. Choose your very own one wild and precious life, which, I can promise you, is the hardest (and best) choice you will ever make.