On the video Girls/Girls/Boys, by Panic! At the Disco
Who needs the video when you have it memorized in your head?
On the video Girls/Girls/Boys, by Panic! At the Disco #2
Who needs boots and pants!? Certainly not Brendon Urie … Hello!
On dating
At least it’s legal at 28.
On shaving
Life is too short for bullshit.
On being a girl
MIAG: My clothes are still damp. I bet [a man’s] dryer works.
J3: Fucking girl.
On storytelling
There is an invisible line and you must never cross this invisible line. This business about the fucking onion and the fucking head is crossing the invisible line.
On people who want to be on television
He’s talented. I could see him on a sitcom. I wouldn’t watch it, but other people would.
On motivation or the lack thereof
We could be dead by Friday. Or really, really grouchy.
On motivation or the lack thereof #2
MIAG: You could be extra quiet.
J3: You could kiss my ass. But we’re not going to do either.
On eating hamburgers outside of the US
It’ll look amazing, but taste like my shoe.
On looking at the bright side
I’m hoping it’s early and there’ll be a run on poutine later.
On looking at the bright side #2
He probably just thinks she’s down-to-earth.
On honesty
And when I said I’d actually watch it on YouTube, I actually wouldn’t.
On bucking up
MIAG: What if I have to go back to the states with a broken leg?
CD: Tough shit.
On rules
Rule #1—Don't talk with food in your mouth.
Rule #2—Do everything I say.
Rule #3—Do everything I say.
On planning
Backing up is for sissies.
On efficiency
We’re going to park in the mall where I almost shat my pants.
On an “age-appropriate” club in Montreal, Québec, Canada
That’s the thing. It’s a bunch of sad people in a sad bar. And we were sad with them.
On malfunctioning cell phones in back pockets
Is there French coming out of my ass?
On budgeting
Gotta be a good reason to get me out of the house. Perfume and makeup are expensive.
On budgeting #2
You don’t need ‘fuck you’ money in Canada, so it can be ‘fuck me’ money.
On traveling
I’m not worried about crossing the Atlantic, I'm worried about crossing Toronto.
On traveling with patience
Don’t be a bitch. Get out of my car.
On tact
Nice reply to a total ass.
On Oktoberfest 2015, Kitchener-Waterloo, Ontario
One zicke zacke zicke zacke does not make it Oktoberfest.
It's definitely not the Blues Brothers.
Huh. An unexpected Neil Diamond.
Welcome to Germany, we're a merry people.
I'm the Lederhosen Robin Hood.
On drinking responsibly
All the Sapporo.
On drinking responsibly #2
We’re all on the sauce.
On drinking responsibly #3
Does my purse smell like pot?
On explanations
All I hear is blah, blah, blah, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.
On having bears as pets
Wake up, Brownie. Mama’s home.
On me
We’ll let it slide. You’re American.
Miiiiiiiiiitch!
That bitch made me open and close my own garage door when she was driving. Not even polite about it. I don’t think she had enough coffee that first morning, but it set the tone for the rest of our drives.
The difference between us is that I always have an excuse for why I’m tired and you always have an excuse for why you’re not.
I never had a traditional American dinner, because I had a non-cooking American host.
She's not that bitter.
Mitch, you’re L.A. is showing.
On what to do with my life
Write that shit down.
My apologies. Out of the immediate experience of direct context, the comments above may make little-to-no sense to those readers not present when ... boots-and-pants and boots-and-pants and boots-and-pants and boots-and-pants ...
Thanks for all the laughs. I love you all. Now enjoy a big picture of my #nofilter face.