I was laid off in November, just before Thanksgiving. I spent the following weeks alternating between shock, fear and relief. When it occurred to me that I would not be able to buy Christmas presents for my loved ones or keep my health insurance through (the prohibitively expensive) Cobra, and that this felt awfully similar to the lean years of 2009, 10, and 11, grief and anger stopped by and stayed a while.
“Remember us? We’re baaack!”
“Wha? Again? Seriously? We’ve been through this already! I broke up with your sorry asses years ago!”
I worked as the acquisitions manager at a real estate investment firm, a position I was proud to have with a team I was proud to work for. I’d only been with the firm for eighteen months when I was laid off, long enough to get a good groove going. My bills were paid. My evenings were free. My mood, relaxed.
Make no mistake: working in real estate acquisitions is not without stress. But I like good go-get-em stress. I thrive on it. If there’s anyone meant for the hustle, it’s me. My morning motto was, and has always been, “Let’s do this!”
And yet …
That I also experienced relief at the news of being laid off was, in its own way, shocking. Then again, who doesn’t want a break from the responsibility of a 9—5, and for someone else to make and force that decision? What writer doesn't want more time to write and more time for more writing clients? There would be no Christmas shopping and no Cobra plan, but there could be anything and everything else.
I had been given the opportunity to try and be and do and want something more.
I’m currently reading The 4-Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss. It’s boggling my brain and I haven’t decided if that’s good or bad. In it, he asks “What cheesecake are you eating?”
That is a very good question.
I haven’t always worked a 9—5. In fact, I was self-employed or worked as an independent contractor for most of my adult life, my last position being one of the few exceptions. I’ve tasted the steady gig and I’ve tasted entrepreneurial excitement. But what is it that I want now? Where do I want to make an impact? How can I take advantage of this time, this space, to create something more than the hustle (and not fall into financial ruin)?
And what is standing in my way? Just what is this cheesecake I'm eating?